G.I. Joe Review

17 Aug 2009 at 10:30:22 by
Systems used to review this title: (360)

Before I go ahead and slate this game, and I am going to slate it, I want to raise the issue of the game's rating. See,  PEGI has seen fit to award a 16+ for all versions other than the Wii and DS versions which are 12+.

Now I don't have a problem with that if the game warranted a 16+ rating, but to put G.I. Joe in the same category as the Call of Duty games, Resident Evil 5, Bad Company and even the Halo games, all rated 16+ by PEGI, seems a little out of touch, and frankly short-sighted.

This game is made for 8+.  The whole game felt like an updated and modernised MERCS and is a game which, while it does offer some fun, really doesn't have the depth MERCS had.  Yes, a game over 15 years old.  The point of the matter is that GI Joe is aimed at the wrong audience, and if it had been aimed at the right audience, then this review may have gone a little better.  But it's not.  So I'm going to stop faffing around with my word count and get to the point.  I'm not going to dwell on the fact that this is a movie tie-in, a rubbish one at that, and that the film has been given a 12A rating here in the UK...I really will stop talking about ratings now...

OK, the plot is pretty much what you'd expect from a game based around an action figure which is, in turn, based on Action Man.  Yes, you're sent on secret missions around the world to save the world.  There's no more to it really, the story is the first thing you're likely to ignore, especially when you hear "Yo Joe" every 20 seconds.  It does draw a parallel between the real world's militaries though as the "Joe's" are more, well, liberal with their attitudes and ammunition.  So liberal in fact, the Joes never need to reload.  This is a classic rinse-repeat game which becomes more tedious when you realise the developers have completely neglected the rules of games development, and you'll see that first with the checkpoint system.

You see, when you hit a checkpoint in a game you expect to be re-spawned there if you have an unsuccessful encounter with the enemy.  Not so in this game.  Typically there are three stages in each level, and as you pass through each stage you regain your health and move on.  If you die at any point however, be prepared to start the whole level again, irrespective of your checkpoints.

This becomes hugely frustrating, especially when you're playing cooperatively.  But it's not just this false sense of security you have to content with.  You also have to fight the camera.  I really did expect split screen, I'm not going to lie to you, but was appalled when both Joes (I played the whole game cooperatively) appeared on the same screen.  At first I couldn't tell who the heck I was - in fact this took me a couple of minutes to get my head round, not because I am slow, but because sometimes there is so much going on you don't know where the hell you are and what you're shooting at.  You do have a little colour health bar over your head though, and once you've learned to keep your eyes on that icon, you're fine. Well, you should be.  You see, most AAA titles still have issues with camera angles in the third person with just one protagonist.  G.I. Joe is by no means a AAA title, it's a rushed movie tie-in, so I'll let you come to your own conclusions on the camera, but I will say this: I could write a whole review on the camera system, using only five words repeated again and again.

But it's not just about the abysmal camera, there has to be some redeeming factor in the game, and there is...the variety of Joes you can choose from.  Granted, it's not the best selling point, but there are a whole host of Joes that, if you find and rescue, you'll be able to choose to play with from the Team Roster.  There are a handful of classes, like Heavy Duty (expect heavy weapons), Combat Soldier and the like, but really it's not as exciting as it sounds.  As I mentioned before, with the rinse-repeat formula it becomes very hard to become excited about anything these Joes do, especially when they do the wrong thing.

There were occassions I had to interact with some electronic key lock by pressing and holding the Y button to activate it, but have activated the Joes super, ass-kicking suits.  This made me very angry.  Not only does it waste the power-up you've been saving, but it also means you're running around blasting awaywith  super weapons at nothing in particular when you know that as soon as you open that door you were meant to, some hard-ass boss figure is going to appear.  And you know, because you've learnt from before, that you really don't want to be dying just so you can play through the whole level again.  But after a while you discover that no matter how hard the boss battle is, you can just throw in a variation to your rinse-repeat methodology with dodge-rinse-repeat.  To dodge, take cover and jump over obstacles, you hit the A button.  Much like the Y button, the resulting action very much depends on where and when you press the button as to what action you're going to take.

The most exciting button is the B button.  Each character has a different special weapon, and you can store up to three of these at any one time by collecting power-ups from boxes or from combo kills to the enemy.  You can save them up or you can fire them off as you get them, but they offer a respite from the waves of enemies that come your way.  Whether you're firing out three grenades at a time, dropping mines or whipping out a gatling gun, you're safe in the knowledge that whatever gets in your way is going to die.

At times you're required to take over a satellite laser to eliminate waves of enemies, and sometimes you'll be asked to take a vehicle, but I've found that the latter is never really an option.  The vehicles are clunky and annoying, the driving mechanic is terrible and the camera, that damn camera, can't decide which way to face.

But it's not enough, and it's not enough for all the reasons I've stated before.  The story is boring, the gameplay is dire, the philosophy behind the game is really questionable (cash cow anyone?) and it's aimed at completely the wrong audience.  This game is not a game, it's an excuse to capitalise on a film and, like most games that follow this philosophy (not all), it's failed miserably. 

You know the worst thing about it?  If you've played this game and you're not a games journalist, you would have had to have paid for it.  For that I am sorry.

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