Club Football Review

21 Apr 2008 at 18:31:18 by Paul Younger
Systems used to review this title: (PS2)

It had to happen. The corporate feeding frenzy that is Europe's major league soccer (misnomer intended) has discovered video games for real (pun also intended). Common or garden soccer sims let you play as any number of teams, whereas Club Football gives you the choice of any team so long as it's the one on the cover. By purchasing Club Football you are affirming allegiance to your chosen club and (mostly) locking yourself into playing as that team.

To no-one's surprise, the clubs on offer are all big on t-shirt sales. Manchester United, Chelsea, Juventus, Real Madrid...it's a roll-call of big-budget behemoths. Just don't expect to find a copy of York F.C Club Football in your local shop. Our review copy bore the livery of Chelsea FC, which has been in the news recently. Why? Basically because the entire Russian economy seems to have been diverted into buying some new players. Go figure.

Superstar footballers from all over the world have congregated on Chelsea's bench in order to think about their bank accounts and hope for a place in the first team. Chelsea Club Football, therefore, like all the others in this series, prides itself on having "unprecedented" access to all the famous names. Photo mapping, DNA analysis, fingernail clippings (only one of these is true) have been used to produce the most authentic big-name team on your PS2.

Apart from the trainspotting element, there's also the football itself. Onto the turf, then. The whistle blew and I had to rub my eyes - was this Pro Evolution Soccer (the first one, mind)? Once things got moving I was even more impressed by the level of emulation. For example, most of the buttons are the same as those on PES; the through pass is just as likely to be blocked; L1 + triangle is a through lob in PES, and so it is here. To be fair, there are limitations to the ways you can present a football sim - grass is green, the ball is white, etc. Nonetheless this game goes out of its way to mimic a certain seminal football simulation.

First impressions count, but widening cracks in the fabric of the world count even more. It soon becomes apparent that, if Pro Evolution is in the Premier League of soccer games, Club Football is at best a contender for promotion into the second division. Some of the problems lie with the artificial flow of the game, but the repeat offender is the incredibly silly AI.

When possession changed, I often noticed the players from both teams change direction en masse, as one. Like a shoal of fish switching back, the synchronised movement was incredible. It just needed to be set to music.

Cue the audio commentary, in the form of Mr Barry Davies. He has a warm and pleasant voice, but his material here stinks. Try and imagine the following run of play: "Forward". "Hits it Forward". "He plays it forward". Golly, that sounds exciting! Why not use the player's names a bit more? After all, Club Football is supposed to be the most up-to-date sim in terms of who plays for whom.

Nothing betrays a football sim like a sure route to goal. Almost the only way I could score was to set up runs down the wing and then banging in a cross for the unmarked striker to head home a goal. In one match I managed this twice in a row inside 5 game minutes, using the same 3 players in the whole manoeuvre. Talk about mechanical.

Codemasters obviously think the punters will be impressed by some photo-mapped faces. We're treated to many close-ups of "our favourite players" in offside protests, dismissals and so on. What a shame, then, that no virtual player seems to move or shoot like its real-life counterpart. Unlike Pro Evolution Soccer 3, for example, which does an infinitely better job of portraying individual quirks and rhythms.

Ignoring the true-to-life mimicry for a moment, even the basic movement animations offend the eye. Take running with the ball as an example. Each player has a 3-step lope that loops with an incredibly obvious "join". The effect is of someone dragging a gammy leg.

They're stupid players, every one of them. Everyone gives the ball away. In fact, wayward passes are so common that it's almost not worth attempting a tackle; the ball will come to you eventually. Interceptions normally involve the ball hitting your man on the backs of his legs - without any effort you can turn over possession.

Tackling is often a case of running into your opponent. It's much more effective than sticking your leg in or sliding in. The comedy result is of many men running into each other and losing the ball, then standing, stupefied. For this reason (as well as the moronic commentary from Barry Davies) Club Soccer reminded me very much of Actua Soccer. This is not a good thing.

The "walking tackle" phenomenon has a side-effect: walking fouls. You can in all honesty be running up to an attacker and, without touching a button, have a foul whistled against you. Giving it some thought, this might actually be more true-to-life; obstructing a running player should be called as a foul. Nonetheless, there'd be less of this if the AI attackers didn't have a habit of running straight into you.

Infuriatingly unfair fouls also come about because of the Crazy Physics feature. Picture this: with back to your opponent, and facing the ball, press the lob/tackle button. Behold, you've just brought down the man behind you! It's a miracle (and a penalty)! The ensuing replay shows your man sliding away from the "victim", who magically falls down behind the innocent offender. It's not an instance of diving; rather an arbitrary glitch that really chips away at the game's credibility.

Goal keepers excel at giving the ball away, especially with a one-handed throw. They have a knack of finding the prowling opposition striker rather than their own defence. I've been both the grateful receiver and enraged victim of these freebies, and they normally mean a goal is about to be given away. This type of shoddy AI definitely breeds contempt and frustration.

The football action is cast in three modes: quick game, domestic league or international. You can choose to fight opponents like Juventus or stick to Premier league bruisers like Birmingham or Fulham. In both leagues you can only play as your title team. I think this is a tad unfair. Presumably you'll have bought this game to indulge in pure fanaticism for your fave a*embly, but still this is quite a restriction.

At the start of a season you're given a once-only opportunity to create a player, presumably in your image. From giant ears and potato nose to silver shoes, your player can be named, bulked up and skilled up. There are two major limitations here. First, far too many points are available from day one. I was able to produce a player with over 80% skill ratings in each and every skill. There's no scope for improving the player when he starts off as a superstar. Second, the body shape range is very restricted. What about the football fan who gets closest to exercise when lifting pie to face? I spot a missed chance here; not everyone is built like a soccer star, surely.

Club Football wins the award for "the game that most wants to be Pro Evolution Soccer". Oh, how it fails. What with the zombie players, dodgy animation, completely stupid AI and unconvincing action, this offering would have been better named "Clown Football".

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