Before we continue, we'd like to make it clear that Lee Tharjick is his own entity and that the views portrayed in this article, are the thoughts of Lee Tharjick and not that of IncGamers. With that in mind, we feel we cannot restrict Lee's creativity by putting boundries on how he works, so we accept him for that and hope you do too.

For more information on why we've decided to use Lee, then please click here.

So, I'm in the f**ing doghouse again. Last week's review of Space Station Sim did not go down well with either the IncGamers lot or NASA. I'm now officially banned from creating my own space programme, travelling into space and setting people on fire. Unbelievable. Remember when Ultra Nate sang "You're free (to do what you want to do)" back in the 90s? (Nor me, I had to Google it). Well, it may as well have been called "You're free (to do what you want to do so long as it doesn't involve incinerating astronauts)". Anyway, the pricks at IncGamers insisted that I play the game this time around, so I told them they should give me something worth playing.

And so onto my desk plopped Ecolis: Save the Forest. Given my heartfelt commitment to all issues environmental, I popped an organic green boner almost immediately. I hopped into my lentil-powered rickshaw and headed straight for my tee-pee. I am, of course, lying. I don't give a shit about the environment. I keep Ecco the Dolphin in a pool of burning diesel in my garden. I've been known to lock Captain Planet in a rusty abandoned fridge. I once hit Sting in the face with a solar panel. Suffice to say, I welcomed Ecolis like a dose of hepatitis.

First thing, I don't want to save the forest in Ecolis. It looks pretty f**ed-up. It seems to be populated exclusively by genetic mutations - there's a pink squirrel, a conker with alligator feet and some old codger who has eyebrows, but no eyes. It looks like Disneyland Chernobyl. If anything, I want to napalm the forest, then nuke it (from orbit – it’s the only way to be sure, but not having a space programme hampers my plans), then send Ray Mears in to eat whatever’s left over.

With that in mind, I called the Woodland Trust to see what they said was the best way to destroy a forest.  Unfortunately they hung up on me pretty sharpish.

Apparently though, I must take on the role of Dorian – not the frisky old hag from Birds of a Feather, but rather the cutest eco-friendly creature in Mana Woods. Triffic. The Evil Kingdom, see, is expanding and threatening an “ecological catastrophe” in Mana Woods. And so now, “with the help of the Wood Spirits, it’s time to declare war.” Now I sense some bias here. No civilisation would ever call itself the Evil Kingdom, even if it was inherently evil. That’s just bad PR. It’s like Santa Claus changing his name to Gary Glitter. Bad idea. 

Anyway, I object to the hypocrisy at the heart of Ecolis. The Evil Kingdom is supposed to be the enemy of ecology, and yet those freaks in Mana Woods live in the trees. Not in the branches, though. No, they hollow out the trunk, cut windows in the sides and stick a chimney on top. How do you think that tree feels? How would you feel if someone scraped out your innards with a chisel and set a fire where your bowels used to be? Not too f**ing chipper, let me tell you.

However, on the plus side, the game does support four player multiplayer over wi-fi. So, that’s something.

I give it 8/10.