MMO Weekly 28/07/09

28 Jul 2009 at 11:24:51 by Jeff Hollis

Hey there, fellow fanbois and fangurls, and welcome to this week's MMO Weekly: Comic-Con edition.  In this week's installment, I'll take you along on my trip to Comic-Con, where we'll walk hand-in-hand down the pleasant highways and byways of the convention, strolling gently along as we seek out the MMOs on display there for the enjoyment of polite throngs of eager fans.  Or, more likely, we'll be jostled, poked, hit with backpacks, and nearly crushed to death by a huge, nearly riotous crowd of sweaty, unwashed geeks.  Such is Comic-Con.

And yet, these geeks are my people.  My nerdy, overzealous, hygienically challenged people.

Before I talk about the games themselves, allow me to describe what I like to call “the Comic-Con experience.”  There are rules to Comic-Con.  Rules you need to understand if you're going to fit in, be accepted, and even enjoy yourself. 

1. Rule number one is you don't talk about the rules of Comic-Con.  They are unspoken, yet universally understood.
2. Comic-Con is a unique zone, a hole in the space-time continuum.  As such, your backpack is apparently subject to strange laws of physics, and you are not responsible for anything it does.  As such, if you push, hit, or otherwise run into people with your backpack, it's not really you who's doing it.  It's the universe.  Naturally, you never need to apologise.
3. Deodorant is optional at Comic-Con.  Really, really optional.
   a.)  Showering is also optional.  A really dedicated Comic-Conboy wants to spend as much time at the con as possible, and will skip showering all four days that it runs to save a bit of time.
   b.)  Feel free to wear the same costume (or, for that matter, the same clothes in general) all four days of the con.  Funky.
4. Various booths will be giving out useless schwag of every imaginable kind.  It is your duty as a Comic-Con attendee to collect every single bit you can.  Inflatable wrenches promoting a new Ratchet and Clank game?  Get one.  A poster for some movie you never heard of?  Grab two of those.  Pens promoting some obscure website?  Yep, get a few of those.  Foam sword?  Yeah, grab it.  Cardboard mini-poster of a mediocre, ageing pin-up model?  Oh yeah, that's a hot item. Cardboard mask from some anime DVD?  Yes, of course.
   a.)  Don't let the fact that your loot bag is getting very, very heavy stop you from collecting just one... more... poster.
5. If you get tired from carrying all your loot/junk, just quaff one of the many energy drinks being offered for free at the con.  Repeat as necessary.  Remember, Red Bull + Monster + 5 Hour Energy + Amp = a happy, energetic, somewhat frazzled schwag mule.
6. When you get home, sort through at all the crap you collected over the four days of Comic-Con. Keep only the alien-head key ring, and the obviously fake (but entertaining!) Stark Enterprises business card.  Throw all the rest of that huge pile of crap away.
7. If you have a cool costume of... well, of anything, wear it at Comic-Con. 
8. If you have a really embarrassingly crappy costume of anything, wear it at Comic-Con.
9. If you are an extremely fat woman, dress up as Wonder Woman, Xena, slave Leia, or another character wearing skimpy clothing.  Go ahead, don't be shy.
10. If you are an extremely skinny man, dress up as a super-muscular superhero in spandex.  Don't worry that you look like Superman with anorexia. 
11. If you're gay, this is an opportunity to really, really act as flamboyantly as humanly possible.  Dress up as your interpretation of gay Spiderman.  Or, better yet, act out as Robin in some short-shorts that show off your package nicely (I really saw this guy today.  Not exactly subtle).  Remember, sauntering is key.  
12. If you are walking along a very crowded pathway between the booths, and you see something interesting, just go ahead and stop.  Look at the action figure, poster, toy, or bauble, and please, take your time. 
    a.) If you are with friends, make them stop too.  Show each of them, individually, the object in question.
    b.) You score extra points if you can block every nearby pedestrian from moving forward for at least a full minute.
    c.) Even more bonus points are scored if you utilise a baby carriage as part of your blocking technique.

Okay, okay, I think I milked that one enough.  You get the idea.  It's crowded with an unimaginable number of socially challenged geeks.  Moving on...

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