MMO Weekly 06/01

06 Jan 2009 at 11:00:50 by Jeff Hollis

Well, friends and neighbors, the New Year is upon us.  In fact, it's been upon us for several days now.  So, basically, it's not even all that new any more.  This fact, however, lends itself to two important questions.  The first, of course, is why my hangover still persists, this late after the new year?  It doesn't seem fair for my head to be still be throbbing like this.  The second question is....um....well, I don't really remember what it is, probably because of the throbbing.  But never mind that, onto this week's MMO news!

Let's start by talking about one of every gamer's favorite topics – Jack Thompson!  Since he was permanently disbarred from practicing law by the state of Florida earlier this year, one might think Thompson's anti-gaming antics would have come to an end.  Not so.  His zeal is unabated, and he proved it this week by again petitioning the United States Supreme Court.  

This week's specific petition is little more than an extension, but gave us opportunity to see exactly what Thompson is trying to prove to the Supreme Court.  True to form, ol' Jack doesn't disappoint.  In a nutshell, Thompson wants the Supreme Court to overturn his disbarment, and restore his status as an attorney.  While this petition isn't full of pictures of porn stars, swastikas, and kangaroos (as some of his previous court filings have been), it's still full of p** and vinegar.  Consider the following, taken straight from Thompson's court papers.  His wide-ranging allegations include:

• That Thompson is the victim of a conspiracy by the "shock radio industry" as well as the "violent video games industry". (This is somehow related to how "Big Tobacco" sought to destroy others in years past.)
  
• That the state bar repeatedly broke its own rules in both holding and conducting the recent disbarment proceedings against him.
  
• That the judge at his disbarment hearing received "cash gifts" (Thompson appears to imply that these were bribes) prior to the beginning of his hearing.
• These "cash gifts" came from both the prosecutor at his hearing, as well as the Governor of the State Bar.
• The Governor overseeing the Florida State Bar is corrupt, and is being indicted for laundering money for the Medellin cocaine cartel.
• The judge at his disbarment hearing received further inappropriate "cash gifts" after Thompson was found guilty of misconduct.
• That Thompson was denied the right to discovery, to present evidence, to speak on his own behalf, to represent himself, or to have other attorneys represent him, both at his hearing, and by the Florida State Supreme Court.
• That the judge at his disbarment hearing is unqualified to serve as such, due to a "forged" state loyalty oath.
• That six of the seven Florida State Supreme Court justices are similarly unqualified to serve.
• That his permanent disbarment is cruel and unusual punishment. 
  
• That this whole thing started because complaints by American entertainment company lawyers, whom Thompson refers to as "porn lawyers".
  
• The whole thing also started because the Florida State Bar has a seventeen year long vendetta against Thompson.  The bar, apparently, has been holding a grudge ever since it failed to disbar him in 1990.

As you might imagine, Thompson's complaint goes on and on, describing the various conspiracies against him in great detail.  If you can stand to read more of his vitriol, that can be done here and here.

Ok, ok, enough of ol' Jack's hellfire and brimstone.  Instead, how about a murloc dog?  Sound like a cute idea?  Well you can check out a vid of such a creature right here.

If that doesn't thrill you, how about one player soloing Naxxramas?  Utilizing a previously unknown exploit, Pai of the Todeswache server does a lot of spell stealing and reflecting to make this all work.  Most importantly, Pai steals Bone Armor early in the process to keep herself alive despite everything the elites throw at her.  Of course, that's not all; she does outrageous damage, even landing a Pyroblast crit for 414,000 points of damage.  Check it out, in all its exploitive glory, right here.     

Do you remember the story of Ric Hoogestraat?  He is a “resident” of Second Life where, like every other resident of Second Life, he's incredibly good looking.  Also, just like every other resident of Second Life, he builds stuff and hangs out a lot, because there isn't anything to do in that particular “game” except build things and hang out a lot.  Unless, of course, you consider 'acting out every bizarre adolescent impulse you've ever had' as something to do.  Then, there's lots to do, because everyone else is also acting out constantly, and being as weird as they can be, too.  But I digress.

Ric was hanging out in Second Life one day, (you know, building stuff), when his real life wife walked into the room.  There she engaged in the only activity more boring than doing nothing in Second Life, and that's watching someone else do nothing in Second Life.  As she watched, however, Sue Hoogestraat became concerned.  Ric spent a lot of time hanging out, in game, with an incredibly good looking redhead.  Sue noticed they had the same last name, and Ric explained that they were married.  This is all perfectly ok, explained Ric, because they're only married in Second Life.  He and Sue are still married in real life.  Sue didn't take Ric's explanation very well.  Spouses sometimes are like that when they find out you married someone else and didn't tell them.  

One can't really say that Ric's story has an ending; Ric and his virtual wife apparently still hang out and build stuff, while Sue still is still oddly uncomfortable with the whole idea.  And now, film director Gore Verbinsky has decided that this epic tale with an ambiguous ending is so great, he wants to make a movie about it.  Go figure.  

We find ourselves wondering why Verbinsky picked this particular Second Life story to make a film about, when others would have been presumably much better.  Why not make a film about David, Amy, and Linda?  David and Amy were married (both in real life and Second Life), but it all ended in tragedy.  David spent too much time in the escort-friendly bar he runs in Second Life (you know, hanging out and building stuff), where he eventually met the virtual prostitute of his dreams, Linda.  Amy had kind of a problem with that, and they ended up divorcing (in both the real and virtual universes) over the whole matter.  David then married Linda, both in real life and Second Life.  Verbinsky could have gotten a lot of mileage from that kind of boy-meets-girl, boy-loses-girl, boy-meets-whore story.  Or, if Verbinsky wanted to make a really exciting film, he could have told the tale of Kimberly Jernigan.  Kimberly met the man of her dreams in Second Life, but the romance didn't transfer to the real world.  Kimberly, having none of that, stalked her man in real life, made at least a couple of attempts to kidnap him (using a gun, a taser, and duct tape), and ended up in a car chase and a fight with the police.  Well, Verbinsky is a professional, and if he feels Ric's story is film-worthy, we'll just have to trust him on that one.

It turns out that this was a particularly good week for superheroes.  First, James Irvine, of Poplar Hill, Stowmarket, awoke to find his home was on fire.  Wearing only a Superman T-shirt, James ran through the home, rescued his family, and returned to rescue his dog and all of her pups.  Good job, SuperJim!  

As it turns out, Thor, the god of thunder and star of Marvel Comics, was also busy this week.  Dressed as Thor for a New Year's costume party, Torvald Alexander of Edinburgh returned home to find a burglar rummaging through his house.  One does not steal from the god of thunder, however, and ol' Alex chased the man out of his home.  The burglar was so frightened he jumped out a second story window.  

As we close things out, some links of levity are in order:

Vader got married?  Well, he sure looks like Darth!
How about New York City, the RPG?  Epic adventure awaits!
Don't try to manipulate a WoW GM with threats of suicide.  It doesn't work out well.
If your girlfriend buys you a Wii, thank her.  Thank her profusely.  Don't get angry, flip out, and drag her down two flights of stairs by the hair.

If you buy some in-game money, and the gold-seller rips you off, don't keep doing business with him.  As this Eve Online player found out, they'll just keep taking your money, all $19,000 worth.  

And finally, who's never dreamed of building a customized squid of their very own?  I know I've been dreaming of such a thing since I was a boy.  And now, finally, my dream has come true!  

And that's all for this week, folks!  If you'd like to read more MMO shenanigans as they spawn from the belly of the virtual universes, catch us over at WanderingGoblin.com.  We monitor that particular interdimensional rift daily.  

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