Imagine Fashion Designer UNPLAYED

23 Oct 2008 at 17:07:10 by Lee Tharjick

Because of the success of my Flash game reviews the management have decided to task me with “family” and “casual” game reviews when they can’t find anyone else to do them.  This week I have a DS title to review.  When I approached the editorial team and told them that I didn’t have a DS, they just laughed in my face.  I gracefully withdrew, came back a few hours later with a cardboard cut out of a DS and told them that I’d be happy to do it.  I offered them coffee, and I don’t think I need to go into detail, but let’s just say that my little swimmers, if they survived the scorching hot coffee, will certainly be causing havoc in the depths of the editorial team.

So Ubisoft’s Imagine Fashion Designer New York offers those of us that are more inclined to shop at C&A on the continent a chance to design our own line of clothing.  As C&A cater for the slightly larger woman, I decided that this would be the starting point of my conversation.

“See and Ah, bonjour.”
“Yes hi, I don’t speak French, I just don't see the point. Can I be put through to your buying department? I’m Lee.”

Phone dies.

Before I continue to harass the folk at C&A I take another look at the packaging. It would appear, to the eyes of a man who's consumed nothing other than gin and bar olives (68% urine) for the last 72 hours, that the aim of this game is to become a "hot" NYC fashion designer, as if this is something to aspire to. Now, I've seen Project Runway (you know when you're just too wasted to maintain even basic standards?) and, frankly, I'd rather work with Heather Mills than these freaks.  So, in our aim to become a successful designer we must apparently complete a number of "fashion missions". Presumably these involve starting every sentence with "Oh my God", consuming vast amounts of cocaine and bullying models into an eating disorder. According to the blurb on the box I have to "get creative" with my models so they reflect my style. My style? I'm not sure the game is ready for my style. Unless it supports full facial tattooing and genital piercing, in which case I stand corrected.

The box has an E-rating, one which claims that the game will have mild lyrics and mild suggestive themes.  I’ve got some pretty suggestive themes that I’d like to bring to the table.  After a lot of the angel dust, I call C&A, confident that I’m able to bring a sexy lingerie line to bigger European women.

“Hi, it’s Lee.  I called France and they were rude because I don’t speak French.  Do you speak French?”
“No.”
“Where have I called?"
“Belgium."
“Do you understand me?”
“Perfectly.”
“Right.  I have a clothing range that I’ve designed on my DS.  It’s for bigger women.  It’s lingerie.  Who do I need to speak to to get it in store?”
“I don’t understand.  You’ve designed clothes or you have clothes to sell?”
“Both. I've got some Phillipino kids making them as we speak. Hard little workers. Barely even need to beat 'em”
“Ahh, so you have clothes to sell.”

“Yes.”
“Well, you need to speak to Philip, he’s in charge of buying clothes. It’s for women?”
“Yes, fat ones who think a bit of lace will make them sexy.  I’ve designed them on my DS”

“What’s a DS?”
“You know what, I don’t like your attitude.  I’m taking my business elsewhere.”

So I reckon, this is definitely worth a 8/10..

Comment