Round Two:  Allods Online

After dinner, I decided that the whole Global Agenda thing wasn't working out.  I decided to create a female toon in Allods Online and give that a try.

I looked through my options and decided to create an Arisen summoner.  Summoner are the warlocks of Allods Online and, as everyone knows, warlocks are the he-men of spellcasters.  They're mean and tough, not fragile little glass canons like mages.  More importantly,  just by looking at one,  you can tell they're simply overpowered.  In my book, overpowered=good (as long as I'm the one that's overpowered.)

Since my goal was to charm male players out of their shiny coins, I gave this character some thought.  I made some better decisions than with my Global Agenda character, and gave this one a suitably feminine name.  I especially went out of my way to pick facial features that I thought were attractive.  I then chose a genuinely amusing hairdo; it's kind of a cross between Cleopatra and Lady Gaga.  To make it even better, I colored her hair blue.  Basically, I had designed my toon to be both attractive and funny.  That's a winning combination, sure to mind-control the nearby naïve males into doing my bidding.

So I logged in with my new character, ran the tutorial, and started killing the low-level mobs in the game, rats and sewer slugs.  There were men all around me.  I couldn't wait for the hilarious fun to begin. It was only a matter of time before they noticed me and offered to help.

And I waited.

And waited.

Pretty soon, I noticed that they weren't noticing me.  In fact, they were downright competing against me.  A couple of them tried stealing my kills, and those that didn't utterly ignored me.

I had to get myself all the way up to level 7 without any male help whatsoever.  Has chivalry died?  Where were my suitors?  Why was no one doing all the work for me, and why was no one giving me loot and/or money?  It was about at that moment that a little red-haired human female came and stood next to me, for only the briefest moment. 

At that very moment, I realized I had made a few mistakes.  First off, my toon was like 6 foot 3.  I positively towered over that human female.  Second, I realized that the equipment and armor modeling for my chosen race, the Arisen, isn't exactly warm and cuddly.  In fact, the equipment that the Arisen get is extremely scary.  I had only acquired some basic gear, and already I looked like a gigantic mechanical undead thing that crawled straight out of a Warhammer 40k rulebook.  I am confident that no male, no matter how pale, how sweaty, or how utterly desperate, wants a 6'3” undead mechanical crush object. 

Bottom line:  I was doing it wrong.  I absolutely suck at being a girl.   

Tune in again next week when I continue my experiment into playing a female character online.  As always, if you enjoyed this little ditty, feel free to drop by and visit us over at WanderingGoblin.com, where we tend to think of this kind of tomfoolery as “research”.  For now, ciao!

Edit: I just took a break to read what I've written, and I realise I've gone on and on.  It's past time to wrap this up.  Next week, I'll present two solutions to the DICC problem.  The first allows normal players to, once again, become first class citizens.  The second allows anyone that enjoys DICC to also be rewarded appropriately and well.  Until then, ciao!

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