Runescape is, and always has been, totally free.  While this sounds great, there are two wee little caveats.  First, there are a lot of tempting upgrades to your account if you are willing to type in a few of those digits you find on those plastic cards in your wallet.  The game is kind of hard, and those upgrades are so inexpensive, it's really tempting to buy one after another after another.  Also, it's impossible to enjoy this game unless you're eleven years old.  If you're older than 11, this game is irritating.  It's like going to a rave without having taken quite enough ecstasy beforehand.  Raves without ecstasy are horrid.  The music is WAY too loud and seems to be made up of random electronic sounds, it's hot in that illegal underground warehouse down by the docks, and there are a bunch of hipsters all acting really weird.  If, however, you've taken enough ecstasy, a rave has the most innovative music you've ever heard in your life, and is full of the coolest people you've ever met in your life, and they might even help carry you over to the cooling room when you pass out.  There in the cooling room these cool new friends will give you a bottle of water (if you have $8) and spray you with water (for free) and rarely do they ever rape you while you're passed out.  So yeah, Runescape is like that. 

If you played Age of Conan, and then quit, there is a deal for you from Funcom.  See, Funcom doesn't understand why you don't want them any more, and wants you to come back them.  (Come to think of it, Funcom is acting like that slutty bar girl you met when you were playing Warhammer and drinking whiskey that time last year.)  Anyway, this time around, they aren't just tempting you with topless avatars like they did in 2008, no no no.  This time, you get 14 days of play for free.  If you subscribe after your 14 days of 're-trying' the game, you get free stuff, depending on how long you subscribe for.  If you subscribe for one month, they give you a week of free play time (big whoop).  If, however, you subscribe for 3 months, 6 months, or a year, you get a free spot in the open beta for The Secret World, a very nice shiny helmet (in game, not in real life, you toad), and a free copy of the upcoming AoC expansion.  Also, everyone gets a free gigantic bag, and a free elephant.  Really, I'm not kidding about the elephant. 

P.S.  If you've never played AoC before, you only get a free trial for 7 days.  I have no idea if they give you any free bronze age pets.

Dungeons and Dragons Online.  It's free.  No, really, it's completely free, forever.  At this point in the paragraph,  I'd normally make a bunch of jokes about this game, but not a single person I've ever met has ever played it.  I'll also bet that no one you know has ever played it either.  Therefore, any jokes I'd make about this game would, by necessity, fall completely flat because neither of us has any frame of reference.  But look at it this way:  if you try it out, you'll be the first person either of us knows that has ever played it, and then you can tell us all about it in the comments below, and YOU can make all the utterly ridiculous and unfunny jokes you want about it, just like I've been doing all article long.  Won't that be cool?

Did you know that you can now play Star Wars Galaxies for free for 14 days?  As a bonus, you can also play the Star Wars Galaxies trading card game for free for that same 14 days!  Isn't that awesome!?  Aren't you excited?  Isn't this the best thing EVER?  Wait.....you *don't* want to play SWG?  Why do you keep saying, “That game sucks rancor balls?”  You know, you're being kind of mean.  Sony put a lot of time and money into SWG.  They even revamped the entire game after two years, when they realized that the game sucked rancor balls.  Then the game was like a new Star Wars MMO, and it didn't suck quite as badly as it did the first time.  At least according to some people.  There are always those Negative Nancys that will claim that it sucked just as badly, or maybe even worse, and they're probably totally right, but maybe they're not, and who wants to listen to someone named Negative Nancy anyway?  Nancys are always such biotches.   

Well, that's enough of my demonstrating my massive IQ and talking over everyone's head for one week, wouldn't you agree?  If you're off your medication, and you actually enjoyed this creative exercise in putting random, nonfunny words on paper, then come and visit us over at WanderingGoblin.com, where we do this kind of thing every single day.  For now, ciao!

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