MMO Weekly: Bargain Basement

17 Nov 2009 at 00:00:00 by Jeff Hollis

Hey there, my friendly neighborhood MMO fans, and welcome to this week's bargain basement edition of MMO Weekly.  As the previous line suggests, in this week's write-up we'll be talking about the current valuation of the MMO marketplace.  The MMO marketplace is, like the rest of the marketplace, in the crapper. 

Normally, that would be a bad thing.  But every cloud has a silver lining, so let's look at the bright side, shall we?  Sure, MMO development houses are laying off employees by the score, and these people can't pay their rent, and they'll soon be out in the cold wintery wilderness of northern Idaho (where most MMO development companies are located), there is still a bright side.  Not for them, for you.  This is because you can get some truly great bargains in MMO games these days, and most of these bargains are for games that don't suck.  At least not completely. 

So, let's have a fourth cup of coffee with me and check out the bargains, shall we?  Here goes:

Yesterday my beloved spouse, Deirdre, picked up a copy of Lord of the Rings Online for a mere $9.99 U.S.  This includes all the expansions to date, a month of free game play, and a free erotic massage by at least two hobbits.  OK, I made up the part about the erotic massage.  But the rest of it is true, and it's one of the biggest bargains in MMO gaming.  Want the same deal?  Here you go (and don't bother to ask about getting an erotic massage by hobbits, because it was a joke and you're not getting one of those, you pervert.)

If you find that cutesy hobbits aren't your thing, maybe Warhammer Online is your cup of tea.  I don't mean that literally, of course, because Warhammer Online is a tough guy's MMO, and tough guys do NOT drink tea.  They drink whiskey, straight, from a dirty glass.  Then they get into fights with other tough guys, generally over slutty bar chicks that no one really wants anyway, at least not on a long term basis.  But after they drink their whiskey, fight with other tough guys, and then spend very short amounts of time in relationships with slutty bar women, they go home and play Warhammer Online.  Right now, WAR is offering a free download of the game, and you can play as long as you want, as long as you don't mind being level 10 forever.  The minute you decide that maybe, just maybe, you might want to try out level 11, you have to pay $14.99 a month. 

Everquest II is giving away a free, 14 day trial.  Now, I know what you're saying.  You're saying, “Jeff, 14 days is nothing.  It's crap.  I want to be level 10 FOREVER baby!”  Yes, yes, I hear you.  In comparison to the “play forever for free” thing that Warhammer is offering, this deal pales by comparison.  But look at it this way:  if you convert your account to a full time dealio when your 14 days is up, you don't have to pay a dime for the game.  Nothing.  Nada.  It's free.  You only have to pay your $14.99 a month, and you can play forever.  Also, as a bonus, a lot of the NPCs in this game talk to you.  Really, they do, which is annoying, but some Sony executive was convinced that talking NPCs was going to persuade people to buy a lot of copies of EQII.  Now that ex-executive is starving in the cold of an Idaho winter, and his game is free if you're willing to pay the fifteen bucks a month.  Who's the winner here?  You are, that's who!

Eve Online is offering a deal that is almost exactly like the EQII deal.  You can play for 14 days free, then the game is free if you're willing to pay $14.99 a month.  The difference is that Eve isn't a game that steals a bunch of ideas from J.R.R. Tolkien, and is full of cute woodsy creatures.  No, Eve stole most of it's ideas from 1980s hard science fiction stories, and is full of hard core space arseholes, who'll blow up your ship, take your money, and ravage your momma without even thinking twice about it. But, for only $14.99, it might be worth it.  Also, they have a “bring a buddy” deal, so you can get your game time for free.  So, if you have a lot of gullible friends, and you can convince each of them that getting blown up by arseholes is a lot of fun, you can actually play indefinitely for free. 

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